Its Time To Lose Control

You know what, if I want to drink a beer, I'm gonna drink a beer.
Really, if I want to get fucked up, I'm gonna get fucked up.
I NEVER drive drunk. Plain and simple.
Maybe I dont want to tell you every detail of my life.
Get over it. Leave it alone. Notice I didnt say Leave "me" alone.
Just deal. Like every other person in the world does. You dont have to know everything. By wanting to know everyting you become annoying. Just Be.

I think you all have enough issues of your own you could deal with, that neither I or my brother talk about or pry about. We, all 4 of us are all adults, and ya'll can come to us just as easily or as more difficultly than you thihk. Wait, did that make sense???What Im saying is YOU ARENT PERFECT. PLEASE. Get off your high horse and realize you may play a part of fucking your kids up. How they scream at their children. Or have other issues to deal with. I find it odd that I can 100% self diagnose myself, yet if I even mention it to you, you become The Martyr who Did the Best They Could.

You know what??? I have issues that I have learned to deal with. I dont need another shrink, christian councelor, or any other third party to explain what my problem is. I have issues with YA'LL that are my problem. I mean fuck, I LOVE it cold in my room. If you dont sleep in here, then why do you care how cold it is??? Get over it!! You sleep in a fricking snow suit every night...I would sweat my ass off in 10 minutes!!!!! I dont say anything about it because I dont care...You dont need to say anything about it either!!!!!

You know I have had a sleeping problem since I was a child...why does it come as such a shock to you, 33 years in, that I have a sleeping problem?? I mean really. Get the fuck over it, I cant sleep. Its been 33 years now. Act like you know something about me, Im an insomniac, I have sleeping problems, whatever.

Damn, I totally lied tonight. I DO LOVE DRINKING BEER. I actually DONT, however, get drunk and drive. Despite your popular belief. I dont want to lose my license for ONE DAY again...man, i have learned my lesson. Fuck that noise. But just because I like to drink beer does not an alcoholic make. I make GOOD decisions. I have my shit togheter. Yall make whatever judgements/asumptions you want.

Damn Im not even done ranting, but man, Leave Me Alone!!!!! Just for the night, let me be!!!

Single Serving Friends, and I Dont Mean Tyler Durden

I've had alot of what I like to call "Single Serving Friends", or those who only befriend you for a single day at a time, like when they want something. And it always pains me to find out who those single serving friends are when I just didnt see it coming. This particular person I thought had become a great friend, a real BFF, someone I just clicked with. We had alot in common, and we just "got each other". I would sometimes see the "SSF" shine through in her, but thought no, she's just having a bad day, or whatever other excuse I could come up with.

But now, the more and more I think about it, I think that we DID become BFFs, but then something changed to turn her into SSF. She introduced me to some of her friends, but now I hang out with them and she cant, becuase she is married with 3 little kids. She makes it a point now to exclude me on certain things. She now has a new SSF who she never hung out with before, who is now attached at her hip.

I dont know, I guess maybe I am just whining, but it honestly does hurt my feelings when this happens. At least just be honest and an adult, ya know? Dont use me. Dont talk about how everyone else in town isnt honest and loves to talk behind backs instead of just coming to your face, etc. then turn around and do the same thing. Im almost sorry we met, because now I just dont trust a word you say. I dont know what your motives are at any given time. Ive done nothing but not judge you and be your friend, but I guess that wasnt good enough. I wish you were Tyler Durden, because at least he isnt real.

TAG! You're It!

Tag! You're It!
I just got tagged on a friend's blog, so I'm it! If you have a blog, YOU'RE IT! Stef

8 Things I Look Forward To:

Moving to Austin in a few months, and hopefully settling down.
Having a boyfriend again
Making new friends
Finding a job, making money, and SHOPPING!!
Having my own place again
Watching The Wrestler tonight
Going to Wilmington to go surfing with Simmons soon!

8 Things I Did Yesterday:
Slept and battled a migraine
Watched "Doubt"....great movie.
Smiled about the night before
Made and ate a sausage and egg scramble for breakfast.
Laundry
Cleaned the house
Got asked out on a date by a 22 year old.
Accepted!

8 Things I Wish I Could Do:
Be independently wealthy so I only had to work if I wanted to, not because I have to.
Move tomorrow
Tell him how I REALLY feel and what I REALLY want from us
Get the tattoos I want RIGHT NOW
Get all my belongs back
Sing and/or play the guitar
Breakdance
Find a Good job!!

8 Shows I Watch:

Project Runway
Top Chef
Daisy of Love/Rock of Love
Southland
The Office
Breaking Bad
LOST
Intervention

Dont hate me because I'm beautiful, cuz this shit costs a fortune.

It truly baffles the mind how much women will pay to look pretty. Or rather, how much vendors charge for merchandise, although they are on the right track...cuz women will pay for it!! Let's take for example Dickies. Every guy I know lives in Dickies. Why, cuz they look cool and they cheap. Like $15 per pair cheap. So, my ex and I go to the Dickies Store, where I find an awesome mini-skirt. For the same price as THREE pairs of men's pants, I can buy a 12x30 inch piece of denim. WTF!! Of course, it was super cute and looked hot, so I had to buy it.

Another case in point, this wedding I am in this weekend. I will be out $350 before even putting any clothes on!! Hair, nails, makeup. Then factor in dress, shoes, accessories, and purse. I did actually get my dress and shoes on sale, and remarkably spent less than $150 on both. And I did get a dress that will break the cardinal rule of not wearing the same dress to more than one function. This is definately a re-wearable dress, so I hope to have some use for it some other day.

So guys, when your woman asks you does this make me look fat, do I look good, or some other variation of the same question, for god sake tell her she looks beautiful. It would blow your mind how much time, money, and effort went into the look. We pretty much always think you look "fine", unless of course we bought and picked out your outfit for you.

Thanks for Flying the Friendly Skies- Part 2

MAN!! I love blogging while I am on an airplane!! So much shit and so many people to talk about!! LOL First off let me tell you that I am at the end of the fuckin’ earth here in aisle 32, seat F. Yep, the one right next to the bathroom. At the very back of the plane. On the window. You know, I booked this ticket over 6 weeks ago, I don’t feel that I deserve this placement. The dude sitting next to me (BTW is 6’2” middle seat, already tried to switch with me, I said NO) got his ticket last night. WTF? I get the fucking literally LAST seat on the plane?? OK man.

Ok, so, D-Bag sitting next to me, who is like 25, just told me that he is a Record Exec from Chicago who manages the “Urban Genre”. Ummmmm, so the Rap music? I asked him what the “Urban Genre” consisted of, and he was lacking for an answer. Couldn’t really tell me anything. Urban….I’m thinking Hip Hop? Go-Go? Reggae? Punk?? Industrial?? Shit, throw me a bone here, guy. He sealed his fate as a punk ass intern liar after he asked me what type of music I liked. I mentioned punk, and he said Yeah! I love Punk Music!! Like Blink 182 “All the Small Things”?? Ummm…yeah, pretty much NO. I mentioned Reggae, oh yeah Dude he LOVES some Bob Marley. Which, I guess that is a start; I would just think a “record exec” would know his stuff. Oh and also, I mentioned he was in the middle seat in the very end row?? It was because his “secretary” totally screwed up his travel arrangements. Uh, don’t you think you could have upgraded to First Class then?? For god sake, what a TOOL!! I’m thinking the chick sitting next to him is buying it though. Hey, I guess that’s what single serving friends are all about.

Ok, so its been forever!

Since I last visited here. I know there are some voyeurs out there that have been fiending for this, but I guess I've just had other things on my mind and just been putting my energy into other things. Since I have last written, my Grandmother passed away, at 8pm on March 4th. Although difficult, it was for the best. We miss her dearly every day but she is not forgotten!

I can not WAIT for this weekend to be over with. Rhondas wedding is this weekend, and what with all the preparation, expenses, etc. it's been super stressful and I will be glad when it is all over with. I think that we have planned a gorgeous night, but again, just cant wait for it to be over with. I leave for Austin to see Meredith that following Wednesday, and I am STOKED!!! I cant WAIT to have a REAL vacation!! We have alot of fun things planned, including some touristy things, and we'll be doing some apartment searching as well. I'm also looking forward to seeing Watson that little Bitch!! :) Its been a long time!

Ok well, I wrote a blog while on my way to Denver, but never uploaded it. I"ll do that now. It's much more entertaining than this one is. More to come!!

Why Am I Not (in)Famous?

I cant take full credit for this blog, as I owe the idea to my other favorite blogger, The Superficial Writer, at www.thesuperficial.com. But seriously, why am I not famous? Why has it become acceptable for stars and starlets to look like warmed over shit these days and make millions, yet I keep up appearances, go to the gym, eat right, and barely make enough to scrape by each month? Who can I speak to about this?

Britney Spears loses her shit completely, is put under a strict conservator ship by her Father and is still the most photographed woman in the world? I lose my shit, move in with my parents for a bit, and cant even get a date. What gives?

Whitney Houston, beloved "Bodyguard" Actress, singer of "How Will I Know" (my first tape ever purchased with my own money), marries New Edition star Bobby Brown, becomes literally a crack head, and gets her own TV Show. I do some drunken karaoke, party a little too hard, yet I can barely pay my own Direct TV bill. What is this shit?

Mickey Rourke. A GREAT actor. Tells the world to FUCK OFF, we're doing it my way. He wins an Oscar and a Golden Globe. I tell anyone to Fuck Off and I end up in jail! It's happened more than once, folks. WTF? **Although, I do have to give MR a little credit...he ruined his own career to tell people to fuck off and did basically become the equivalent of a cigarette butt in a beer in Hollywood for the past 20 years....I do, however, salute you, Mickey Rourke. You rock.

Madonna. Ok Madonna, What the FUCK is going on with you these days. I know, I know, rumors abound you, but seriously, it is time to stop with taking the testosterone. You are growing a BEARD. You look like the Crypt Keeper. Yet you are banging Alex Rodriguez of HOT ASS MLB Fame?? I know your Kabbalah water is not that strong.

Jessica Simpson...poor girl. I hate to even mention her. For years she has been "the pretty sister", and now that red-headed stepchild Ashley got a nose job, a husband and a baby, Jessica is out like yesterday's dishwater. Jessica's recent Wardrobe Choices are doing little to recreate her image. I can relate to Jess, though; us big busted weight fluctuates more than the stockmarket, and one poor wardrobe choice can add ten pounds. Has she really gotten fat? I doubt it. Does she need to be mindful of what she wears and how she is photographed? Absolutely. Should I be dating an NFL Quarterback cuz I have big boobs and a curvy ass? Sure, why not.

You get the picture. I'm not seeing many stars these days that are really earning their dollar. Are there any agents out there doing nationwide casting calls? You've got my number.

I'll See You in Another Life, Brotha.

It is often during my bouts of abnormal hormonal insomnia that I have these TV epiphanies. These memories. These flashbacks. Call them what you will, but they are random pieces of my life that come flooding back to me in these wee hours of the morning. Of things that truly made me happy, things that truly made me miserable, and of things that just make me the person I am today. I find myself thinking of San Diego often, wondering what exactly the hell I am doing in this place, here, today. What is it that I miss so much, the weather? The beauty of San Diego? Yes, both of those things, but I feel like I am not my own person here. I am still a child living under my parents roof; even in my own house, I am still not comfortable there. I think mostly of my apartment in North Park. I loved that place. It was so comfy and homey. Why? The fishtanks. Seriously. The soft white noise that the filters provided. My cichlids. And randomly what was on TV tonight? A show about the evolution of cichlids. I know, totally random, but what comfort the memory of those fish brings!!

I feel all of these little pieces just fit into place at the right time, for a reason. I'm sitting watching reruns of LOST- Season 1, and Syeed just said his photo read "I'll see you in the next life, if not in this one". Well, I feel like I am currently in the next life, seeing myself in my old one. I just watched Sex and the City, and Carrie Bradshaw revealed yet another "epiphany" to me....That I have become Resistant of Romance. As I have always kind of been 'one of the guys', I have allowed myself to settle for and date guys that dont provide any romance. I wouldnt even know what to do if they did. Because of this, I am 32 years old, with 33 literally right around the corner, single, with no prospects in sight, getting ready to start my life over AGAIN in some place new. Yes, in many ways this is exciting, but at the same time, this is not where I expected to be in life at this point. Feeling sorry for myself cuz I am just realizing I will be alone on Valentines Day? Sure, a little bit. But at least I am being honest and allowing myself to feel, rather than saying Whatever, it is just a stupid commercial holiday, and not allowing myself the right to have these feelings. I know it is silly of me to base so much of my life around these TV shows that I watch, but again, even these SHOWS are part of my life, of who I am...Sunday Night HBO Show Night, Wednesday Night LOST Night at the Thayers...it's hard to forget a past life that so surrounds you every day.

I do love the bit of serenity I get from these so called TV Epiphanies, though; they show me how I can integrate the good pieces of my old life into my new life, thus making this time a much better go round. I am healing. I am a better person today. I have lived and learned alot about myself, and about what REAL happiness is. Hey, I dont have much but my thoughts each night at 2:15am while I sit and watch the clock.

Get out of my dreams, and also out of my car.

OK, since when has it become appropriate to forceably kiss a casual acquaintance on the mouth as a "hello"? I mean, even in Europe they kiss on the cheek, not on the mouth. Dont you think after the first time, when the person (uh, ME) turns their head away from you and your greedy mouth when you approach, that that does not mean for you to step forward in front of me to try harder to get in front of my mouth? I did not want to be assaulted by your lips when I left the house today.

And second of all, every time I run into you, you tell me to call you. Dont you think it is odd that I NEVER have your number, even though you give it to me every time I see you? Or that I have NEVER called you? Yet you think it is ok and acceptable to mouth kiss me at every opportunity you see fit? Get the the fuck up out of my Grille!!!

Third, might I add, I have no idea where your mouth has been. I have seen first hand that you hit on every chick with a pulse. God knows who has accepted. On the same note, your married girlfriend is a total hooker. Dont you know that she is also banging 3 other guys in town? If you have just been kissing (or what other else) that tramp, I dont want your lips any where near my face. And when does the tongue assault start?

So please, everyone, unless you are smoking hot and know that I want you to kiss me, please, shake my hand, give me a hug, a pat on the back. Please dont invade my personal space or assume that I want you to mack on me.

My Summer Road Trip

So, my decision to move to Denver is final, and I am already preparing my summer road trip! Follow me here:

http://www.randmcnally.com/rmc/plan/planSummary.jsp?cmty=0

Cant wait to travel the country again; I think it should be mandatory for everyone to drive cross country at least once in their life. This will be my third go round, and I look forward to adding a new stop...Austin, TX. Although I had a blast my last two trips, I look forward to having a little bit more freedom this time around. The first trip I made, we traveled with a black lab and a bird (yes, like a parrot in a cage), in a HUGE Uhaul (aka Big Yella) towing a 4x4 truck behind us. I drove that bad boy through the Hoover Dam, in the rain, at about midnight. I definately saw God that night as I prayed for our lives. That was also my first trip to Vegas, though, and it was a wonderful time.

My second trip my girlfriend and I drove with three, yes THREE adult Boxers...that was a good time. IT was really fun getting them into and out of hotels without being seen...or heard. And when you have a 150 lb. boxer that is shaking and crying because he is so scared of something he saw in BFE Louisiana, you know you might be in trouble. That doesnt even top the trip though; the chart topper was when we stopped at our hotel room...and there was a man already sleeping in our bed. YEAH!!! Good time!!!

I'm up for a travel companion this ride, let me know if you want to go!

Life Goes By So Fast, You Only Want to do What's Right

I have really come to understand what is important in life this past week. My family. My grandmother is dying a slow and painful death from Bone Cancer, and earlier this week she fell down and hit her head. A trip to the ER revealed that now has a massive brain tumor, and we thought we had definately lost her within 24 hours of that ER visit. She is now doing much better, but will be moved to a Skilled Nursing Facility next week as we can no longer give her the care she needs at home. I know now that I took so much for granted before, and I guess I use this blog to admit my wrong doings, and as a very small way to make amends to her.

Although she lived only a mile from me, I did not take the time to come and see her everyday. I know how much just a short visit means to her.

I have taken for granted all of the love and support she has given me over the years, and how much she has taught me about unconditional love. I definately took advantage of that love during the progression of and in the height of my addiction.

Although some of the things she does drive me absolutely batshit crazy, my mother is a wonderful woman. I hope that I can love my children as much as she loves hers.

My father is a loving man, although he shows his love the best way he knows how. He fixes things around the house, makes things nice/clean, and he gives us money. Although sometimes I need more than that, I know that this is the best he can do. I know that it is selfish of me to expect different things from him. He is only human too.

My brother is a truly amazing brother, son, father, and grandson. I hope to meet a man that is even half the man he is.

Although I still do not want to live out my days here in Virginia, my sole purpose in life is not to just get the hell away from my family. After what I have put them through, I am surprised they even want me around; on the contrary, they want me here even more than ever.

I feel very guilty that for so long I just wanted out/away from this family. I know now that no one's family is perfect, and alot of people dont have the support system I have.

I have truly come to know who my real friends are. The people that have come out of the woodwork to keep my spirits up in this difficult time. Some people I thought were my closest friends have not said two words to me during this difficult time.

I know that I have fulfilled my grandmothers dying wish by being here at home with her, healthy. And alive.

I am saddened by the fact that my children will never have the opportunity to know their great grandparents, but am so happy that my nephews got to. Its so wonderful to see 4 generations of family together.

Life goes by fast. Take a moment to slow down and enjoy the little things in life. I know that I have, and I will continue to do so. For the first time in my life I actually feel like an adult, and a responsible and contributing member of the family. Death is much harder on the people left behind, however, I look forward to spenging her last days with my Grandmother. I know the end is near, but I'm glad I got to part of her life.

Thanks for Flying the Friendly Skies

Thanks for Flying the Friendly Skies- Southwest Flight 561

I want to apologize to readers in advance as I can safely say this blog will not reflect my best writing. I am currently en route from Denver to BWI, on a full yet somewhat comfortable SW Airlines Flight. My writing skills will not be as in tune as I would like, as I have my iPod turned up loud enough to deafen even my surrounding passengers, due to the 2 year old in the next row over who has not stopped screaming since we took off. An hour and 45 minutes ago. Yes, that’s correct. All I have heard for 105 minutes is a screaming baby. Not that there’s anything wrong with that….but for fucks sake, give it a break. Your parent(s) have resigned themselves to Rum and Cokes at 10am, however, this is not an option for all of us. As much as I would like to drop $50 on three airline cocktails, it’s not in my cards right now. Anyhow, I digress.

I haven’t blogged in a few days, as I have been spending quality time with my three nephews and sister in law. A lot has transpired in the past few days. To start off, let me be one of the first to congratulate La Gringa on the birth of her son, Patrick Sheridan. I wish LG, hubby, and baby Patrick love and happiness in the upcoming year!

Second, I find myself growing ever restless in my current living situation. It is not ideal, as you know, however I don’t want to come to regret any time that is not spent with Grandmother in her last days. It is common knowledge to both friends and family that I want to get the hell out of Dodge, but as the time comes closer, the question has arisen as to where. (As for a bit of irony, Motley Crue’s Home Sweet Home currently plays on the iPod). My first thought: Miami/Ft. Lauderdale. I miss the beach terribly, and do have a friend or two in the area that could show me the ropes. Upon further thought, what a crap idea. I am not loaded, trendy, fake, or plastic. Furthermore, the amount of temptation facing me in Miami is insurmountable. Plus, as my good friend so eloquently put it: “Dude, have you ever been to Miami? Like, in Summer?” Point well taken.

After a bit of research on job opportunity, atmosphere, and cost of living, Austin has become a leading contender in my “find a place to live” search. I have heard nothing but amazing things about Austin, and the job market actually looks quite promising right now. The atmosphere/culture seems awesome too- great food, great music, great nightlife. Now mind you, I have never been to Austin, however, this doesn’t intimidate me. I hadn’t been to San Diego in 10 years yet still picked up and headed out there. (I must interrupt real quick to say they really must make airplane trays larger….fucking A….good luck trying to fit my laptop, cup, soda can, and iPod all on here without totally pissing off the lady next to me). Ok so anyways, as I was saying, I do have friends in Austin too, including the aforementioned La Gringa. I’m sure she would love a free babysitter (and by baby I mean Patrick and Baci) around also!! Although I have only met her in person once, I truly consider her a great person and an amazing friend! So, your thoughts on Austin are appreciated.

Now, until this trip, the third option, Denver, has been previously discussed but not too seriously. I am not a terribly “outdoorsy” person (unless you count sitting on my ass drinking at the beach for 8 hours outdoorsy), and I am not a huge fan of the dryness of Denver. In addition, I don’t like the idea of being totally landlocked. It actually makes me a bit anxious and somewhat panicy. However, there is one key element to Denver: my family. My brother is my best friend, sis-in-law is an awesome person, and I love my little nephews more than I could ever possibly fathom. At this point in my life, I think that family is something that is so critical to me, and I can’t imagine not having any family around as I have gotten used to it. We see where it landed me in San Diego. In addition to Todd and Kim, Kim’s sister and her husband also live in the area, whom I adore as well. In fact, I spent a night out with Kristy during the trip, and we had a great time. Did some great shopping, followed by dinner/music in Olde Town Arvada.

Another huge positive of Denver? Snowboarding. Southern California does not really offer you all you could possibly want in boarding. A huge negative of Denver? No Surf/Ocean. Will the family be enough for me, or will I continue to go stir crazy? I think probably a little bit of both. Job opportunity is not as great in Denver as it is in Austin, however, COL is much more affordable. In addition, having family around, I could probably swing a free meal here and there  (Do you think people on planes like it when you whistle along to your iPod? Yeah, me neither). So, your thoughts on Denver are much appreciated.

Now, I hate to look at these two options in the light of climate over family, as this is not really the case; I would LOVE to live near family…just wish it wasn’t in Denver. I know I have the option to move if I am not happy, but that gets to be a pain in my ass. So, I came on this trip hoping to do a bit of soul searching, and I think I have done so…but would still welcome any comments you might have for me. It is my decision, however, outside contributions are strongly welcomed.

Now, my next piece of news is not really news, more just like me thinking out loud. I have found myself in a new online type of relationship…no, nothing like match.com, but a fellow “persona” I have come to know over the years through brief email exchange, etc. My fellow moniker and I have come to chatting daily, and have become quite close I would say in a few short days. I look forward to our daily conversation, and find myself thinking of him often…even though we have never met in person. Why is it that I seem to find seemingly compatible mates at the least opportune time? I leave San Diego, and then I really get to know this person? And yes, you know who you are. I know you are reading this. I think you and I could get along quite well. How does a bi-coastal relationship sound to you?  Hey, just putting it out there…we are pretty honest about everything else! Plus, I know I am not the only person who thinks this would be a great match….Your thoughts and comments are welcomed. Want to visit Austin with me in a few weeks?

Let’s see, what else…LOST!!!! LOST has returned folks, like my best friend from a long vacation. However, I don’t know if I am allowed to talk about it yet as there are still a few who have not yet seen it. I told them I wouldn’t ruin it for them. However, please feel free to discuss amongst yourselves. And Artist, please let me know if you have seen it so we can talk about it!!! Geez!!!!

Good Day, Mr. President!

Let me start off by saying that I voted for Obama, and not because of the stupid Conservative Asshat assumptions...because he is black, because it was either him or Hilary, etc. etc. I voted for him because I thoroughly believe he can pull our country out of the state it is in, and that he is not afraid to do so. I wonder, does he wear a bulletproof vest to work every day because of all the crazy fuckin' rednecks out there? Because of the "Conservative Christian" Radicals who would rather die that see a black man in office? I mean, come on folks, this is 2009. Aren't we over that by now?

Anyhow, Obama is here and he means business. I just wanted to share a few snippets from an article in The Post today, that have made me SMILE today-because 1)I honestly feel that we have, though be it a long one, a road to recovery ahead of us, and 2) I no longer have to read about what that Assclown "W" has fucked up for the day/week/year/term/etc.


OBAMA ON CLOSING GITMO
The actions are dramatic evidence that Obama is ready to use his authority and political capital to turn back some of the most controversial practices of George W. Bush's administration. They also suggest that he believes he needs to push quickly for broad changes.

OBAMA ON NEW LOBBYING CHANGES
"What a moment we're in. What an opportunity we have to change this country," Obama said as he announced the new lobbying and disclosure rules during a meeting with his senior staff yesterday.

The lobbying rules announced yesterday aim to end what has become a way of life in Washington, where those serving in an administration collect chits that are quickly cashed in once they depart government. Under the new rules, presidential appointees who leave office will not be allowed to lobby any federal agency as long as Obama remains in office.

"It's not about advantaging yourself. It's not about advancing your friends or your corporate clients. It's not about advancing an ideological agenda or the special interests of any organization," Obama told Cabinet members and senior staff at the Eisenhower Executive Office Building. "Public service is, simply and absolutely, about advancing the interests of Americans."

OBAMA ON ETHICS
In a frenetic first full day in office, Obama was everywhere: alone in the Oval Office; in the front pew at an inaugural prayer service at the Washington National Cathedral; swearing in his staff at the Eisenhower Executive Office Building; and, for the first time, meeting with his generals in the White House Situation Room.

Out of an abundance of caution, Obama also welcomed Chief Justice John G. Roberts Jr. to the White House to re-administer the oath of office after the two men fumbled some of the wording during Tuesday's inaugural proceedings.


OBAMA ON THE PROTECTION OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE/DISCLOSURE
The disclosure rules turn existing law on its head, requiring the government to err on the side of releasing information, not on the side of keeping documents and records secret.

"The old rules said that if there was a defensible argument for not disclosing something to the American people, then it should not be disclosed. That era is over now," Obama declared.



Thank you, WP, and and to our President, and for making at least one American believe today that we can once again become the country we once were. That we dont have to be scared every day of what more is to come.

I'll Take Fear of Failure for $200, Alex

As I sit here alone, after having gotten more or less stood up by Guy#1 from my previous post, I need to give a big shout out to Lindsay Lohan and her character in Mean Girls. How random that I have found some clarity from some teeny bopper movie that pits the dorks against The Plastics. Actually, it was the "mathletes" that really did it for me. Let me explain.

I have always loved watching Jeopardy, and for some untold reason, I seem to be overflowing with useless facts and knowledge. I have always dreamed of trying out for Jeopardy, but was afraid of what people might think (what a nerd), that I might make a fool of myself...that I might be that sorry person at the end who is ineligible for Final Jeopardy because they are in the negative dollars.

So, while LiLo's character becomes Plastic turned Mathletes champ, and here I still sit alone and kicking myself becuase I KNEW he would do this once again, I have decided to go for it. I have just registered for the online Jeopardy test. You know, why continue to "fail" in my efforts that I have no control over, i.e., said "date/friend" that stood me up (why I thought this time would be different I have no idea), when I could potentially succeed in something that I truly want to do? Why not control my own fate and make my own decisions, rather than relying on others to give me some mistaken sense of success? If I bomb the test, if I make it onto Jeopardy and make a complete ass out of myself, at least I tried. At least I was true to myself. And maybe I will refer to this blog during my "introduction" on Jeopardy....you know those cheesy stories that people tell about themselves? Hell, it cant more cheesy than giving a shout out to Lindsay Lohan.

Let's Go Steelers!

He's Just Not that into You (Me?)

As I grow older and wiser, I can usually spot these flaky guys a mile away. However, I've recently become acquainted with two of these guys that I STILL can't figure them out! Well no, let me take that back. One of them has been a "friend" for years; the other is a new friend, who, coincidentally, reminds me of the first guy! They look alike, talk alike, laugh alike, act alike...you name it. Anyhow, I digress.

So, both of these guys and I have hung out, talked, become friends, etc. and I have kissed each of these guys. It hasnt gone further than that. Now is where things turn to dust.

Ok so, let me ask you, if you hang out with, and talk with a girl on a regular basis it means you like her, right? You like her so you kiss her. Right? You kiss her cuz you want to get closer to her, right? Um, wrong, apparently. As it turns out, I always seem to be the "go to" girl when things aren't going great in your relationship. You really like me, but you arent quite ready to break up with your girl yet. I mean, I guess I should be flattered, but ya know? Being second best isnt all its cracked up to be. I have learned a valuable lesson from these guys that I do deserve the best. That I do deserve your full love and attention. It has also become a lesson in how to deal with ego...sure, it is kind of an ego crusher to be put on the diss list, but then, with a little time to process, I do come to realize that they probably arent good enough for me in the first place if they have so much disregard for me and my feelings. Conceited? I dont think so. I think I'll go with smart and mature.

So, if Mr. Right IS actually out there, and you arent currently in a relationship, drop me a line. Until then, I'll keep having fun with Mr. Wrong(s) until you show up.

My So Called Life

Remember that short lived TV Show from the '90s, the one that introduced Claire Danes and Jared Leto to the world, the one that exposed and explored teenage angst at its worst? The one that depicted arguments with friends, trust issues, and broken hearts? Well, as I teenager/young adult, I was fully capable of identifying with all the issues depicted in the show. But I thought that as I got older, those issues and that angst would disappear. Not so much. I seem to find myself in a perpetual cycle of funk. A couple of great months, and then all the shit hits the fan at once.

I have recently found myself growing further and further apart from a long time friend, and I wonder when is enough enough. Are we bound to each for life since we have been friends for 15+ years (high school through the present), or is it ok to cut the cord? Should I have to continually apologize for my opinion and my decisions, and basically bow down to her for whatever she wants, just to keep our friendship alive? I dont think so. Thats not what friends do. I shouldnt have to do that. I think friendship is a relationship of give and take, yet I seem to be the only one that feels that way. I shouldn't be made to feel insignificant or inferior to someone who is supposed to be my best friend. But at the same time, am I ready to make a clean break and leave her behind forever?

The answer is, I just dont know. What I know is that we have both changed, both evolved. Married couples often get divorced, but what do friends do? I guess the only answer is to keep evolving to find the right answers. Isn't that what life is about? Time will tell.