Life Goes By So Fast, You Only Want to do What's Right

I have really come to understand what is important in life this past week. My family. My grandmother is dying a slow and painful death from Bone Cancer, and earlier this week she fell down and hit her head. A trip to the ER revealed that now has a massive brain tumor, and we thought we had definately lost her within 24 hours of that ER visit. She is now doing much better, but will be moved to a Skilled Nursing Facility next week as we can no longer give her the care she needs at home. I know now that I took so much for granted before, and I guess I use this blog to admit my wrong doings, and as a very small way to make amends to her.

Although she lived only a mile from me, I did not take the time to come and see her everyday. I know how much just a short visit means to her.

I have taken for granted all of the love and support she has given me over the years, and how much she has taught me about unconditional love. I definately took advantage of that love during the progression of and in the height of my addiction.

Although some of the things she does drive me absolutely batshit crazy, my mother is a wonderful woman. I hope that I can love my children as much as she loves hers.

My father is a loving man, although he shows his love the best way he knows how. He fixes things around the house, makes things nice/clean, and he gives us money. Although sometimes I need more than that, I know that this is the best he can do. I know that it is selfish of me to expect different things from him. He is only human too.

My brother is a truly amazing brother, son, father, and grandson. I hope to meet a man that is even half the man he is.

Although I still do not want to live out my days here in Virginia, my sole purpose in life is not to just get the hell away from my family. After what I have put them through, I am surprised they even want me around; on the contrary, they want me here even more than ever.

I feel very guilty that for so long I just wanted out/away from this family. I know now that no one's family is perfect, and alot of people dont have the support system I have.

I have truly come to know who my real friends are. The people that have come out of the woodwork to keep my spirits up in this difficult time. Some people I thought were my closest friends have not said two words to me during this difficult time.

I know that I have fulfilled my grandmothers dying wish by being here at home with her, healthy. And alive.

I am saddened by the fact that my children will never have the opportunity to know their great grandparents, but am so happy that my nephews got to. Its so wonderful to see 4 generations of family together.

Life goes by fast. Take a moment to slow down and enjoy the little things in life. I know that I have, and I will continue to do so. For the first time in my life I actually feel like an adult, and a responsible and contributing member of the family. Death is much harder on the people left behind, however, I look forward to spenging her last days with my Grandmother. I know the end is near, but I'm glad I got to part of her life.