DO NOT PUT THIS ON YOUR RESUME

It never ceases to me amaze me the fuck-nut things people put on their resumes. Seriously, how does that fact that you weigh 170 lbs, like to drink budweiser and listen to country music give you the advantage of being hiring? Seriously. I'm sure you are hoping that I too, like to drink Budweiser and listen to country music, therefore we will "connect" and you will therefore become the top candidate for the job....Yeah, not so. It makes me think you are an idiot. It makes me think you are a redneck. And it makes me think that you are unprofessional, above all else.

So this blog, which will remain "open" and ongoing, is a list of "what not to do", and is dedicated to all of you out there who like to drink Bud and Listen to Country music, as listed on your "Hobbies" section of your resume.

1.The only thing missing here is your SSN...give that to me and I can open a credit card in your name:

Personal:
Date of Birth: July 20, 1962
Height: 5’6
...Weight: 170
General health: Excellent
Marital status: Married, 1 child 12 years old

2. Do not apply for a job "as a team." Unless you are in the movie Stepbrothers. Seriously. I mean, are you serious! I wonder what would happen if I only wanted to hire one of you?

Dear Hiring Manager,
We are who you are looking for, and we have been looking for you.
We are a professional team, eager to begin our career in property management.
Collectively, we possess the skills you seek. Additionally, we have completed a property management program.
We would appreciate the opportunity to meet with you to discuss what we have to offer your growing team.

3. Your resume should never contain the word "Fab".
Stefanie,
That's awesome! Have a FAB day!!


4. There's this new thing called spellcheck, ever heard of it??????
"I was in charge filing out leases, anwering phone, hqabdleing cash, and keeping tenats happy and completly fill the apartnets and a lot of customer sevice was invloved."

5. Please do not put your "born and raised in" town on your resume, dont put your kids names and ages, dont put your astrological sign, or the name of your elementary school. Seriously.

6.Never put an "Interesting Facts" section on your resume. The facts are not intersting to anyone but you.

7. Please make sure your dates and times add up. And what exactly have you been doing in Community College for the past 7 years?

"I was laid off in 2007 when my company closed its doors. I had only worked there for 8 months. Since then, I have continued to attend Community College, where I have gone since 2004. I have over 15 years of industry experience." REALLY?

8. This has NOTHING to do with your experience:
Indeed people are looking for an experience when working with a real estate professional. I found this out after a group of Harvard Law students recommended me to their friends after a blissful home shopping experience with me.